As a highly sensitive gay man who bravely walks through this world, you have access to these internal resources that you may not know exist. Resources, that as a sensitive and creative person, you need to be able to gain access to. You have moments of experiencing clarity around your self-worth, but since you’re not used to living from this place, those moments are short lived. One of the main reasons this happens is, because so many times you’ve been silenced through societal and family messages of unworthiness.
From the time we hit adolescence, we become aware of our natural attraction towards the same sex. (sometimes we notice this at an even younger age too). Something happens to us when our nature doesn’t get nurtured. We receive messages from our environment, and then we begin to internalize that our gayness is wrong, and that there is something wrong with us. Through this process, you’ve stared to build a life of hyper-self-reliance.
You become so independent that self-reliance, although an important quality, becomes your basis of survival and causes you to ignore your inherent desire to reach out and connect in healthy ways. Let’s face it, there is no doubt that your self-reliance has developed over time because of how you’ve had to survive in a society that doesn’t recognize your humanity. Maybe deep down inside you do know that this is a coping skill that has forced you to build a protective wall, but this wall has created isolation and loneliness and you don’t quite know how to break it down.
Deep intimate connection is necessary for our survival as humans.
It is in our human nature to desire love and connection.
You can develop deep intimate connections with those internal resources from which you can proudly claim your gayness, your life, and in ways that can surpass anything you’ve ever imagined. Resources such as self-love, self-motivation, self-awareness and inspiration.
This new discovery, if we allow ourselves to be open to it, can be like a second coming out, and this time you begin living on your terms and not your family or society’s terms.
This internal space is what I call:
Your enoughness can be rediscovered, developed and accessed through rituals of self-care and love. What ever those look like for you. It’s up to you to decide how you want to claim your life back. Through the ability to just stand back and recognize that we’re messy as f@ck, and that we no longer need to conform to society’s standards: (even though it can feel scary as a mother!)
You don’t need to be more than who you already are. You’re just accessing resources that are already within you, laying dormant, while practicing how to love yourself more.
You can connect with other men with healthy emotional vulnerability. Dating and relating from this space can be so rewarding. (again, another scary thing to do, but as they say, the only way to work around fear is to work through it!)That’s the only way you’ll experience the benefits of healthy emotional connection.
You can finally exhale that ‘held in breath’ of always being on your own, because you’re recognizing that your body just can’t handle doing it all on your own anymore. Imagine the internal expansiveness that will open up, making room for your dreams to come true.
You’ll begin to understand that your enoughness isn't a perfect thing, and knowing this is what can ground you in this time of self-discovery. It’s an imperfect process.
Are you ready to flip that script, and dive into the ocean of your humanness? Are you ready to claim parts of yourself that have been stifled throughout your adult life? I would love to hear from you. In the comment section below, share what you think and feel connection might mean for you. How has your ‘before coming out’ and ‘after coming out’ experiences shaped your adult life?
You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or simply comment below.
Here’s to claiming your life!